Guavaween â€" It’s all about the beads! Guavaween w...
Posted: November 03, 2005
Guavaween â€" It’s all about the beads!

Guavaween was awesome! If you were not there, why not!!!! Ok, so it’s no Fantasy Fest â€" Hurricane Wilma shut that sucker down. But at least this year, you didn’t have to choose between the two. Come to think of it, the only thing Fantasy Fest has over Guavaween is the body paint. Now, I am not saying body paint doesn’t rock â€" it does. But, after all, it’s not about the body paint…it’s about the beads: how many you got, what you did to get the “goodâ€? ones, how clever (naughty) you were when trading up, your throw when getting rid of the bad or broken ones. I prefer the underhand toss myself â€" easier to get the beads airborne and hit the target â€" usually an appreciative female â€" appreciative being the operative word. There was a lot of appreciation going around on Guavaween, let me tell you.

Just one word of bead advice based on my years of tossing. When a float is crusin’ down 7th Avenue and you spot a string of really fine beads under the front wheel, just say “NOâ€?! We’ll toss you another set â€" honest â€" we’ll even throw in the good ones!

So, how many did you get…..and HOW did you get the “good� ones?

HELP ME BAN JUNK MAIL!

What's the deal with junk mail? Got protection on the internet - love that spam protection. I'm on the "do not call" list to protect me from telemarketers. Actually they need protection from me - I lose it when they call. I've been the crazy head of household, the little kid who won't get mommy, turned the tables and gotten their phone number, the serial killer interrupted in the act, and I love my air horn. But the junk mail just keeps on coming and coming and coming! Mortgage companies want me to refinance. Please. My birdhouse cost $12.95. Refinance what???? Credit card companies must think my TV gig pays big bucks – I get at least 6 pre-approval notices every night - credit card included! Have they ever checked out my credit score? I think not. Every college in America seems to want me to enroll. Take a look at my High School transcript and think again.

Here's my plan to stop the Madness! Follow these easy steps. Open the junk, while cringing. Remove the pre-addressed postage paid envelope. Take the junk mail and remove any mention of your name. Rip all the documents up and put them into the postage paid envelope. Seal….and send. So now, all these companies are paying postage to send junk to you….then paying the return postage to receive shredded documents back from you. It's a win-win…for us, not them.

This is not gong to work unless you help. But if enough of us do this, maybe they'll take the hint. Don't want it…don't need it…stay out of my life. Hee Hee Hee! Even if it doesn't work, it's fun. Now if only we could get rid of all those catalogues. But that's another blog.

Need some help with my friend Bob. He doesn't listen to me. Maybe he'll
listen to you. As I keep telling him. Smoking is a disgusting habit. The
problem is, it's Bob's favorite and most disgusting habit. He's tried to
quit many times - with no success. He tried subbing food for smokes. He
gained 15 pounds in four hours. He tried gum. His dentist's three kids
now go to Harvard on his dental bill alone. As a last resort, he tried one
of those tapes you're supposed to play at night while you sleep. They sent
him the wrong tape. Hola, Salty, donde esta la cigarette machine? He now
speaks fluent Spanish. But I think I've found something that may help Bob
kick the habit. I saw a poster today that says "Kissing a smoker is like
licking an ashtray." Doesn't do much for your love life now, does it Bob?
Any advice for Bob? Hey, Bob....drop that match and back away from the
ashtray. Hurry with that advice.